WashPo: Keystone XL Not a Evil Commie Plot

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle)
02/01/2014 at 15:27 • Filed to: I Feel Gassy, Canada, China, Keystone XL, Canadalopnik

Some of you Yankees, in between your stints shooting AK-47s at innocent wildlife and claiming that kind of nationalized single-payer healthcare system you so desire is "free," may have watched the State of the Union last Tuesday. For those of you who don't know, the State of the Union is like a Throne Speech, except the person speaking actually had editorial control over the speech and must stand the entire time. Note that this is the only time an American chooses to stand.

Anyway, before and after the State of the Union, San Francisco finance billionaire, Phillips Exeter Academy alumnus, and politician-buyer !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! payed to show the advertisement embedded above. The advertisement states that the evil Commie Chinese government, a known employer of Chinese people, has made Canada a vassal state with $30 billion in investments in the Alberta oil sands. With complete control over the Canadian parliamentary system, the Chinese will be able to pump heavy crude across the Land of the Free for export to filthy foreigners, fueling their filthy un-American ways. Furthermore, the CEO of TransCanada, the owners of Keystone XL, couldn't even promise to sell the Exceptional American People one single barrel of oil! Outrageous, isn't it? How has Keystone XL survived this long?

Well, turns out that while Alberta heavy crude is unrefined, this advertisement is 100% pure bullshit extract, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! on the Washington Post's fact-checker scale. The Chinese have invested $30 billion into Alberta oil sands, but this is at most 7% of all investments. Also, TransCanada can't commit to selling a single barrel of crude to Americans because the company doesn't sell oil; it sells oil transportation services.

So stay strong, Yankees; the Red Menace of Canada and China hasn't colluded to destroy you, yet.

DISCUSSION (8)

Victorious Secret > For Sweden
02/01/2014 at 15:43

We don't need to destroy America like that, we can just watch you do it yourselves.

P.S. Take Quebec with you. We will throw in a little extra if you do that.

For Sweden > Victorious Secret
02/01/2014 at 15:43

Quebec, like Estonia, can never into Nordic.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > For Sweden
02/01/2014 at 15:47

I don't give any fucks who invests in it. I just want the world oil supply to increase. Recent study found that it would have no impact on climate. I mean if you have two braincells to rub together you already knew that, but now that the church of Al Gore has even admitted that they can't see a reason why it shouldn't happen...let's fucking do it.

Victorious Secret > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment
02/01/2014 at 15:58

Because it doesn't involve war.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Victorious Secret
02/01/2014 at 16:02

Damnit, guess its off then.

Paul, Man of Mustangs > Victorious Secret
02/01/2014 at 16:35

But, we could have a small war. Over who gets saddled with Quebec. All battles will be fought in Quebec. Loser keeps Quebec. 24 hour time limit, too.

SteyrTMP > Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment
02/01/2014 at 17:57

It'd be great. We have the capability of being oil-independent, probably even able to export oil/gas.

Sadly, we have the current administration, the EPA, and fringe whack-job special interest groups like the Sierra Club to deal with, and they all are hellbent on keeping the oil in the ground, much to the chagrin of the American citizen. That, and they have a very large coffer to lobby with, a douchebag with a very big ego "with a phone and a pen", and a bunch of sycophants that want to go along with him, all the way to the cyanide Kool-aid. Top it off with an ever-growing disdain of the US constitution, which has lead to a rampant EPA... which has not only decided to reshape states, smother the only remaining lead smelter in the US... the list goes on.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > SteyrTMP
02/03/2014 at 20:25

You basically summed up the whole thing perfectly. It really is appalling when you realize how much we have to push back against.